Monday, March 11, 2013

Screams & Whispers now available

My new humor collection "Screams & Whispers: 69 humor pieces rejected by The New Yorker" is now available for sale on  CLICK HERE

Also available for your Kindle.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

"Dare to be Average" on Wisconsin Public Radio

Thanks to my last placement in The Chicago Tribune, Ben Merens of Wisconsin Public Radio tracked me down and invited me to be on his phone-in show last Friday. For those with time on their hands, go to their radio archives at and select the show for Friday, September 16th at 5 P.M.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

First Chapter Free on!

If you go to, you can read the first chapter of "Dare to be Average" without paying me a dime. Just search for "Dare to be Average", click on the book and scroll down to the heading "Kindle Edition" on the right. Then you can read the first chapter right on your PC or e-reader. Or better yet, just click on

Friday, July 2, 2010

Dare to be Average now available on

Now you have two choices: you can order "Dare to be Average" through or you can buy it on Just go to and search for Dare to be Average and you can check out the first three pieces in the book.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

"Dare to be Average" is now a book

That's right. Dave Martin's latest humor collection entitled "Dare to be Average" is now available for purchase from Just go to, type in "dare to be average" and you can purchase it as a paperback or an e-book. Or just click on the button below.

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.
To celebrate the launch of this new collection, here's an excerpt from the book entitled "The Kama Sutra of Housework" that originally appeared in the December 2007 edition of The Smithsonian Magazine:


"The Kama Sutra of Housework"
By David Martin

"Men are beginning to understand that doing housework...unprompted goes a long way to creating marital happiness....Intimacy is not just for the bedroom, in other words. Foreplay can begin with a dish towel."

—The Toronto Globe and Mail

Thus follows the Kama Sutra of Domestic Love:

On the Use of Outside Help

In an effort to enhance domestic congress, some couples may seek the services of one professionally trained in the art. However, this is seldom as satisfying as when the man performs the task alone. But in the interest of matrimonial harmony, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, it is acceptable to engage a cleaning person once every two weeks.

The Washing of Dishes

The woman submerges her dishes in warm, soapy water, rinses them in clear water and passes them to the man. The man employs a slow, clockwise motion to dry them thoroughly with a dish towel. After about 20 minutes, the solicitous partner will switch roles for variety.

On Doing Laundry

The man is often too hurried and wishes to place the clothes immediately in the washing machine. He must learn patience and be guided by the woman, who will teach him the art of sorting and, in time, even to pre-soak. The slow, deliberate dividing of clothing into piles of whites, lights and colors will lighten the loads and heighten the pleasure.

The Art of the Dryer

Once the man has mastered the washing routine, he can be introduced to the dryer. Again, he must act against his nature and learn patience before inserting damp garments into the cylinder. Although all items can be placed into the dryer, he must learn to withhold some of them. What could be a most pleasurable cycle can end in anger and disappointment for the woman if a delicate undergarment is shredded or blue jeans are shrunk.

On Extracting Dirt from the Carpet
This is an uncommon task for a man. Before he can perform the act he must first be alerted to the existence of dirt in the carpet. Once introduced to the vacuum cleaner, its mechanical nature may overexcite him and cause him to proceed with inappropriate haste. The woman must also ensure that he is schooled in which attachment to use for each task.

The Cleaning of the Bathroom

Most men are unfamiliar with this delicate maneuver and may initially resist. A woman should not expect too much at first, taking initial satisfaction from the man's cursory sponging of the sink and tub before he advances to the washing of the floor and the polishing of taps. Be aware that he will not readily clean the bowl. But if a wise woman knows how to reward her mate, she may never have to use a toilet brush again.